


Blood Bank

by UncertaintyAngel



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Animal Death, Blood, Bon Iver, Graphic Description, M/M, Not Beta Read, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 05:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8192402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UncertaintyAngel/pseuds/UncertaintyAngel
Summary: Connor hits a deer... and he panics





	

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this premise listening to Bon Iver's "Blood Bank" and then proceeded to listen to it on repeat for nearly 3 hrs while I wrote this. 
> 
> So I recommend you listen to it while you read it.

Connor couldn't breathe, every gasp of air he inhaled barely filled his lungs before it was gone. His chest and neck ached because of it, and he knew he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his brain but he couldn't focus on that right now. There was blood on his hands, figuratively and literally. Figuratively because of all the murders he'd played a part in, literally because there was blood staining his palms and the snow around him.

"No... No, no, no, no," his voice shook, breathless and scared.

In front of him, lying broken in the freshly fallen snow, was a white-tailed deer. He hadn't meant to hit it, he'd been driving too fast trying to get away from Annalise and every ugly thing that came with working on this case, he hadn't been paying attention when it had happened. Without even thinking about what he was doing he'd stopped his car and knelt down beside the wounded animal.

It was bleeding heavily from its side and nose, not to mention one of its legs looked to be turned completely the wrong way and tufts of fur had been torn away from where it had skidded across the ice. It was still breathing, and Connor had thought that was some kind of miracle. If it was still breathing, then it was worth saving. So he'd pressed his palms to the deer's ribcage, tried desperately to get the bleeding to stop. But it wouldn't stop, and the broken bones wouldn't piece back together but he was trying.

Trying to fix this broken deer, trying to breathe, trying to think, trying to exist. His chest was tight and his body ached as the blood soaked into his jeans and covered his coat. At one point he thought he'd ran a bloody hand through his hair, but he couldn't be sure, everything was blurry to him.

"Connor?" A soft voice called.

He almost flinched as the body carrying the voice stepped towards him, their shoes crunching over ice and snow. Connor knew the voice, knew who was kneeling beside him before he even saw their face.

Tears were spilling down his cheeks and his shaking became more violent. He tried to speak but the lump in his throat wouldn't let him.

Oliver's steady hand was on his shoulder then, lightly trying to pry him away from the dying animal.

"No, no, I have to save him." He insisted between gasps of air. "I have to, I have to save him."

"Connor--"

"No, he can't die. He can't. I have to save him, let me save him." He grasped at the deer, desperately trying to fix it.

"We can call animal control --"

"Then he'll _suffer_ , Oliver, _please_." He's words shook every time he spoke, and his chest ached more painfully with every gasping breath but he couldn't leave. He didn't know what part of him had come to the conclusion that if he could save this broken deer, then he could save the other broken pieces of his life, but he had.

"You're just going to hurt him more."

"No, no, no, I can save him. I have to save him." He kept shaking, whether it was from the cold or from the panic, and he kept trying to save the bloody animal in his hands. He knew Oliver was right, knew that he'd only been causing the deer more pain by doing this but he couldn't stop himself.

It was almost a two minutes before Oliver's presence had calmed him down enough that he could think clearly.

"I have to kill him," he rasped looking up at Oliver, knowing full well how terrified he must look. "Don't I? I have to kill him."

"You don't have to, I can do it." Oliver's voice was sturdy, and Connor knew that he would do this for him, knew that he would shoulder half the burden if Connor let him. But Oliver was too good for that, Oliver was light and Connor was darkness and he wasn't to let another ounce of that light fade away.

He was calming down now, his panic subsiding but his fear was very much still real. He took a breath then, his lungs aching still but grateful for its first full dose of oxygen in what seemed like hours. "No, no, I have to do it."

"Connor --"

He ignored the protest in his voice. "There's... There's a gun, in the car, under the back seat..."

"I'll get it," Oliver spoke steadily as he stood, ever the level-headed one.

Connor couldn't do much more than swallow and nod weakly. "I'm so sorry," he whispered to the deer, tears spilling down his cheeks and landing on the animal's tawny fur. He wished for the first time since he was a child that even just the smallest amount of Disney Magic existed. Wished that a tear could save a dying soul. But of course, it didn't, and the deer didn't rise up as if the accident had never happened.

When Oliver returned to his side, Connor stood, turning away from the deer and taking the gun from his hands. The same gun he'd hoped to god he'd never use, the same gun he'd never wanted in the first place.

"Stand back," he uttered. To his own ears, he sounded defeated, yet strong. The way every broken man as hardened themselves to be when life doesn't go as planned, the way one makes themselves stronger in moments when they feel weak.

He looked down at the weapon in his hands for a moment, willing his trembling fingers not to shake as he turned back to the deer. He heard Oliver step off a few paces, heard his own heart pounding in his ears, even heard the ragged breathing of the equally petrified deer. All of his senses seemed heightened in this moment; the blood on him sticky, his cheeks stung from the cold, his clothes felt just as heavy as the metal in his hands, his vision suddenly more clear than it had ever been. All of it terrified him.

He closed his eyes tight as he prepared himself. Once before he'd removed the safety, twice after. He told himself not to cry, however. He could cry afterwards, he owed it to this deer to put it out of its misery.

Connor covered his mouth to keep himself from letting out a hard sob. When the urge passed, he wrapped both hands tightly around the handle of the gun, and without another moment of hesitation, pulled the trigger.

He felt his skin jump when he heard the shot, saw fresh blood splatter more of the crisp white snow, and felt his knees give out under him. He was on the ground, gasping for air again before he could even think, the gun slipping from his hand and resting in the snow. This time, he had been the sole cause of another's suffering, and he'd had to kill it. What kind of monster was he becoming?

Oliver was by his side again, resting a hand on his shoulder and putting the gun's safety back on with the other. Connor didn't even resist him this time, just let the man he loved pull him away from the gruesome scene.

"It's gonna be okay," he thought he heard the man say as he fell into the passenger seat of Oliver's car. He nodded meekly, staring blankly forward at the snow between their cars, zoning out everything else. The little patch of untainted snow seemed like Oliver to him, and the blood everything bad about himself.

"Hey," Ollie's voice broke him from his daze, and his chilled hand on the back of his neck pulled his gaze his way. "How 'bout we get you in the shower... And then I'll make hot chocolate while we watch a movie?"

Connor nodded slightly, "Okay."

Oliver gave him a small smile then, pressed a light lingering kiss to his lips. "This'll all be over by tomorrow." When Connor didn't respond, he added, "And we could wear the new plaid pajamas I got us for Christmas with those fuzzy socks you say you hate but are alway wearing."

The corner of his lips turned up slightly as Oliver began to drive them away. "Ollie, you didn't..." His voice riddled with fondness despite how raspy it was.

"Surprise?" Oliver smiled sheepishly. "I was going to wait to give them to you but... I have another gift for you anyway and we deserve this after today."

He glanced his way, and Connor, for the first time that night, smiled. "We do." He agreed. "But I get to pick the movie."

"Deal."

 


End file.
